Never again no more 5, p.2
Never Again, No More 5, page 2
Tiger: Yeah.
Yours Only: don’t be mad.
Tiger: I’m not. I’m in luv.
Yours Only: Aww, pa. Me 2. Don’t ever think I’m not.
Tiger: A’ight. Get some rest, my luv.
Yours Only: what time do u touch down?
Tiger: By 8 tonight. Check on me.
Yours Only: U know I will. I’ll hit U up when I get there. Kisses, pa.
Tiger: Luv u, ma.
Yours Only: Back at u.
Lincoln was anxious to have me back, but it wasn’t feasible at this time. I loved him. I did. But I had responsibilities to think about. As long as he had my heart, he had me. Hell, I didn’t even feel for Ryan like I used to. Lincoln knew the truth. He knew I was keeping up pretenses. In my heart, Lincoln was number one. However, in my household, Ryan was.
Just as I put the phone away, I heard the faint buzz of my other phone alerting me of a new message. Damn! I’d just powered it on.
Hubby: Have you landed?
Wifey: Just landed.
Hubby: The boys and I missed u so much.
Wifey: Aww, I miss my fav guys 2. Lexi 2.
Hubby: Had fun on ur me, myself, and I vacation?
Wifey: Plenty. The best.
Hubby: Good. You’ll have 2 do it more often then.
Wifey: Sounds like a plan. The best plan you’ve ever come up with.
Hubby: Anything for my wifey.
Wifey: Thanks, babe.
Hubby: YW, babe. I’ll see u in a bit. Love u.
Wifey: All right. Back at u.
“Good Lord, sweetie. You must be really important to have two cell phones,” the old lady sitting next to me said.
“Very important.”
“How do you make time for your family? Or are you one of those independent women who don’t have time for all that jive?” she joked.
Even though she was nosy and being all up in my business, she was amusing, so I figured I’d entertain her questions. “No, ma’am. I’m every woman. Believe that.”
“I like that.” She pointed her forefinger at me, and then she turned completely toward me. “Pardon my prying, but how do you manage?” she asked. “In my day, my husband was the provider. I stayed at home. Now that he’s gone, I’m traveling the world to keep busy. My daughter just recently got married, and when they have a child, I want to have done all I wanted. But it may be a while. I ask because she’s a career woman like you, which is so unlike me. Maybe I can give her some of your advice.”
Despite her choice to be a stay-at-home mom, she seemed happy. However, it was a shame that she was just now getting to do all the things she wanted. My advice for her daughter wouldn’t be much different than what she could’ve provided to her, but I didn’t mind schooling the old or the young. I had been there, done that, and I had the kids and the ring to prove it.
Thinking over my life with Ryan and Lincoln, only one thought came to mind. “Tell her never to sacrifice what she truly loves for anybody else. That’s the best advice. As for managing, I’d say I manage very carefully.”
She was quiet for a moment as if she was truly soaking in what I was saying. “Thanks, sweetie. I’ll tell her. Follow your dreams first. Then keep your business and home life separated but make time for both. Am I right?”
“Exactly, ma’am. Exactly,” I said as we stood to exit the plane.
Chapter 3
LaMeka
The pent-up frustration I had been feeling was still lingering. Ugh! Why did men have to be so fucking complicated? And I thought women were supposed to be the damn trip. I was so sick of giving more of myself than a man was willing to give to me. Sick and fucking tired. I was one of the realest women in the world. I held my man down willingly. No lie. Hadn’t I proved that? I’d been verbally, mentally, and physically abused just trying to hold my family together with Tony, and now here came trouble rearing its ugly head with Gavin. He came into my life with his slick-ass talk and swaggeristic walk, and in one good dick down, I was back on the okey-doke again.
I tried to be careful this time. I remained his friend first, got to know him, and even went so far as to get tested before we had sex. Hell, these days, that needed to be a part of the requirements even for a one-night stand just to make sure a man or woman wasn’t being shady and knew their status.
At any rate, I did what I should have done. Even if I hadn’t given him the cookie, I’d have been pissed. I’d cursed out one of my best friends and anybody else who gave us their evil complaints because we were an interracial couple. The hilarious part about it was that black men—yes, black men—were the most offended by our relationship. Ain’t that a bitch? Like for real? Are you shitting me? The same men who glorify women of other cultures had the audacity to judge me? There was one dude in the grocery store looking at me in disbelief as he saw Gavin walking with his arm around my shoulders. No sooner than we made it to the sugar aisle, there came “Becky” walking up to his cart. Hypocrite. I mean, judging me because I was with the white boy, and he didn’t have no brown to go with his sugar his damn self. I wanted to kick the Little Debbies outta his fat ass. Matter of fact, no, I didn’t. Becky could have his fat, ugly ass. Our race didn’t need no offspring looking like him.
My bad. That was wrong, but I was pissed. Not so much about the hypocrite in the grocery store, but because I would’ve gladly cussed out him and anybody else from A to fucking Z over Gavin. Gladly. Now Gavin wanted to act a fool on me? Wrong, sista girl. I didn’t have to put up with that shit from nobody. Zilch. Nada. It was going through shit like this that made women bitter, remain single, or become lesbians. I was convinced that at least one-third of the lesbian community was made up of women who just got tired of these fucked-up-ass men in the world. I could be wrong, but I couldn’t help but feel that way knowing the shit that I’d been through, not to mention my mom, my sister, and my girls. If I didn’t love the real “Peter” as much as I did, and it didn’t go against my religious beliefs, then hell, I might’ve considered it myself. I hadn’t seen one converted lesbian who had flown back straight yet, so they must know something we don’t. But fuck that. I’d rather be single and buy a lifetime supply of AA batteries. That eliminated drama from either sex.
Nobody I knew—including myself—had had an argument or complaint with the Energizer Bunny. As a matter of fact, that would be a great idea. Somebody call Walmart and tell them I am on the way. Get the stock truck ready, because they are gonna have to restock their entire battery center station when I leave there.
“Meka,” my sister shouted as she touched my arm, scaring me half to death.
“Oh, shit!” I grabbed the rails of my treadmill before I busted my ass, then yanked out my earphones once I regained my balance. “What? I could’ve busted my ass.” My attitude was on go.
“Well, if you kept them damn blaring-ass earphones outta your ear, you could’ve heard me,” she said, throwing her hands on her hips.
Slowing my treadmill down to a creep, I took my towel and wiped my forehead and neck. “I told you I was exercising. You know how I do when I’m getting my workout on.”
She peered at the numbers. “Damn, sis. You ran two miles in thirty minutes. Get it, girl.”
Ignoring her compliment, I drank a swig of my bottled water. “Misha, what’s up?” I wasn’t in the mood for all that playful shit today.
She shrugged and pointed behind me. “You’ve got company.”
I stopped my treadmill completely and turned around. Gavin.
His tall frame lingered in the doorway as he gazed at me with sorrowful eyes and a sheepish expression. “I didn’t want to disturb you. You were getting it in.”
“Well, then don’t disturb me, because I still am.” I turned away from him. “You can leave.”
“Baby, let’s talk, please.”
Defiantly, I turned to Misha. “See Mr. Randall back to the door, please.”
“Who the hell I look like, Geoffrey from Fresh Prince? I ain’t the fucking hired help around this place.” She threw her hands up. “Look, I have to get to the community center. I have a group session. You gotta deal with this one. Keep your head up, Gav,” she said as she walked out, leaving me alone with Gavin.
“Be easy, Misha,” he said.
Getting off my treadmill, I walked out of the room to make sure my front door was locked and hoping that Gavin would trail behind me, and he did. “You can follow her out as well,” I threw out over my shoulder.
“Meka, come on,” he pleaded. “What difference does it make how many women I’ve dated at the hospital? Would you have not dated me if you knew?”
“You lied to me!” I spun on him so fast he jumped back as if I’d startled him. “A couple is not nine. A couple is two. What the fuck am I, lucky number ten?”
Okay, so obviously I couldn’t let what Sara and Jeanine told me that day go. That day was like being awakened from a beautiful daydream only to realize you were living a nightmare. How did he figure those gossiping hoes wouldn’t spill all his tea about the women he’s dated at the hospital and whatever the fuck was going on with his family?
He’d dated nine different broads outside of me at the hospital, and three of those heifers still worked there. He made me look like Boo Boo the fucking Fool in front of my classmates and my coworkers. Here I was prancing around like I was the only one who had unlimited access to the forbidden fruit, and he was passing his shit out on the Sunday morning collection plate. Like Tupac said, I knew men got around, but damn. And then he expected people to take our relationship seriously? No wonder people were looking at me like I was lovesick and stupid. Maybe I was. Hell, at this point, how could I believe I wasn’t?
Every woman, every single solitary woman, was exactly the same: milk chocolate complexion, big, beautiful brown eyes, little titties, small waist, and ba-donk-a-donk butts. The only variations besides our job titles were that some women had short hair, medium-length hair, or long hair. At any rate, I never expected to find out that Gavin was getting around like that, and the very least he could’ve done was prepare me for it. My family was involved, and I had a psycho-ass baby daddy creating mayhem in my life over his ass. This wasn’t no fucking game to me. He knew that.
He exhaled, sliding his hands down his face. “I didn’t lie. I wasn’t specific. Those are two totally different things. I told you I’ve dated women at the hospital before, and I was clear that it was more than one.”
I folded my arms and laughed. “Yeah, more than one and fewer than nine.”
“Why the fuck are you creating an issue?”
“Because I got my ass handed to me by coworkers in front of my classmates and there wasn’t shit I could do to defend myself or this relationship.”
Exasperated, he threw his hands up. “Fuck those broads! This is us. Me and you. Why the hell should you care about some has-been broads?”
“Because I want to know that what we have is for real!” Before I could finish getting all the words out, I had to look away. Tears that I hadn’t known I’d hidden sprang forth, and I wiped them hurriedly. After gathering myself, I turned back to face him and clasped my hands together in annoyance. “I want to know that if I’m getting involved in this relationship, I’m not in it alone, and that what we have is special and different. And right now, Gavin, I don’t feel so special. I feel like one of the concubines in King Dingaling’s royal court. But understand I don’t mind being with you. I just want to know that I am the one and only. No concubines. I am the queen.” I finished my rant, allowing all of my pent-up irritation to flow out before I plopped down on my living room sofa, putting my head in my hands.
A few moments went by before I felt him ease down beside me. The fragrance from his Armani cologne invaded my nostrils and threatened to intoxicate me. “Have I ever made you feel like you’re not special?” He paused, but when no answer came from me, he continued. “Baby, a few days ago I told you I loved you. I meant that. I admit there’s some shit I should’ve been a little more upfront about, but it doesn’t change how I feel about you. It doesn’t change the fact that you’re my lady, you are special, and you’re my queen,” he coaxed, rubbing my back.
It was the first time my eyes found his, and that was when I noticed that he had dark circles underneath his eyes. It was evidence that he’d been worried for the past few days that I had refused to talk to him.
“So why didn’t you tell me?”
This time he didn’t speak, and his head fell forward.
“Gavin, I’m sensitive about this. You know my home situation. I told you that I loved you that day as well. And I take my love seriously. The only man I’ve ever loved outside of you was Tony. And I loved Tony for nearly nine years, ever since I was fourteen years old. You know for yourself the bullshit I went through with him.” I took a deep breath, reflecting momentarily over the hell Tony put me through. “I just can’t take no games. If that’s what this is to you, just walk away now. Just be man enough to do that for me. That’s all I’m asking.”
He lifted his face so that we were eye to eye. “Honestly, I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want you to trip like you are now,” he confessed.
I sucked my teeth, ready to pop off with an attitude, but before I could, he cradled my face and shook his head. “And I ain’t saying you don’t have a reason not to, but I’m just saying I was tryin’a get my foot in the door with you. I knew there was some shit that was better left unsaid at the time. After we got together, it just never came up. We were having fun, and then the bullshit started with Tony. Then the next thing I knew, you were poppin’ off on me during your lunch break. I want you, LaMeka. This ain’t no game for me either. I don’t know what those chicks at the job told you, but a lot of it is just run-of-the-mill bull. Or they are tryin’a pin on me some crap that happened with a couple of women and claim it as how I am. I’m a man, Meka. I’ve done some fucked-up shit in my day, too. I’ve gotten with a few of those chicks just looking for ass. I cheated on one. And hell, I cheated on that one with another chick in the hospital. And I ain’t saying this for you to lose faith in me, but I’m saying it so you can know that you can trust me. I can’t explain it, but in my gut, deep down inside, I know that you are it for me. You are my queen. And I want to continue being your king.”
Gavin sounded so truthful and convincing. His eyes were pleading with me to believe and forgive him. I wanted to. As I bit my lip nervously, I grabbed both of his hands and held them in mine, imploring him once more for confirmation. “How do I know that this is for real?”
“Listen, baby, we didn’t have these issues until outside people started clucking in your ear. Understand, I know I added to that, and I accept the role my actions played in hurting you. I apologize for putting you in any situation that embarrassed you or made you doubt me. That was never my intent. So let me ask you, aside from the watercooler gossip, what does your heart tell you? If you feel in your heart that I ain’t real, then let me know you wanna cut me loose. I ain’t gonna say I’m going without a fight, but ultimately it’s your decision. But if you feel in your heart that this is real, then let’s keep on doing what we’ve been doing and chuck them deuces to them haters, baby.”
Maybe I was being too harsh. I wasn’t forthcoming with Gavin about all the circumstances in my life at first either, although I was honest before we actually got together. However, looking back, I understood his position. Telling me everything, especially knowing how cautious I was, might have caused me to throw up my barriers and send him on his merry way. In the grand scheme of things, why should I be quick to judge him when he wasn’t quick to judge me? He could’ve easily assumed I had HIV because of Tony, but he gave me the opportunity to explain myself, even after I pushed him away. Shouldn’t that count for something? I didn’t see many men sticking around after that if all they wanted was a piece of booty to tap. Regardless of how a person was in their past, they could change. I’d changed. Tony had definitely changed. Couldn’t Gavin have changed too?
He hadn’t given me an actual reason to believe he hadn’t. So perhaps, just this once, I could let it go. And so I did. “I was a fool once. I won’t be a fool twice. If you lie, tell a half-truth, or manipulate the truth in any specific or nonspecific way to me again, we’re done. No questions, no excuses, and no explanations.”
He put his hands up in surrender. “Deal. I’m cool with that. Does this mean we’re straight?”
“Yeah, we’re straight.”
He wrapped his arms around me tightly and caressed me. “I love you, baby. I swear I do,” he whispered, kissing the top of my head. “And I’m sorry.”
When I pulled back to speak, the kiss he laid on me took my breath away. Damn it. This damn white boy did something to me. “You know you got me acting crazy over your ass.” I giggled.
He pumped his fist in the air as if he were on the TV show Jersey Shore. “One time for the Cablanasian!”
“Crazy-ass white boy.”
We fell into a fit of laughter before he leaned over and kissed me on my neck and snaked his arms around my waist. “You’re making me hot.”
“That’s the plan,” he said low.
I was about to give in when I saw Pooch’s name and picture come up on the television screen. “Wait! Baby, hold up.” I sat up and turned up the volume with the remote.
“At this time, Vernon ‘Pooch’ Smalls is at Northwestern Memorial Hospital in Chicago, Illinois, where he is listed in critical yet stable condition. The police are questioning Thomas Marsh and Trinity Kincaid in this gruesome homicide. The details are sketchy at this time. We will keep you posted on this story as more details become available,” the news anchor said.
“What the fuck?” I screamed and immediately began trembling as I reached for my phone.
Chapter 4
Lucinda
What the hell did I just touch? I thought when I rolled over and touched an unknown object. I’d been sleeping so hard that it took a minute to focus. All I saw was the color red. Finally, once my eyes adjusted, I saw scattered red rose petals and a dozen thornless long-stemmed red roses on the pillow in front of my face. I smiled and sat up on my elbow, covering my naked body with the sheets.
